Thanksgiving in New York


rex_ryan_balloon

As we prepare for the December 6th winner-take-all showdown with the Jets, I thought it would be good to do some advanced scouting here at Foxboro Blog.  My hope is that the inside information posted here can be of use to both the Patriots and their fans as we all get ready for what very well may be the most-anticipated showdown in AFC East history.  For starters, I’ve managed to get the scoop on how many key Jets players spent their holiday weekend.  Sure, we all know what happened in New York’s game against Cincinnati, but here are some “behind the scenes” accounts of what happened on Turkey day.

  • Thanksgiving morning started out as it does every year in New York with Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.  However, this year there was an extra-special attraction for Jets fans, as head coach, Rex Ryan premiered as one of the parade’ many gigantic balloons. 
  • Antonio Cromartie’s child support agreement states that he gets custody of all his kids each Thanksgiving.  Rumor has it that there were as many as eleven children around the Cromartie table this Thursday, even though the cornerback supposedly has only eight offspring.  Cromartie, who already received some heat from struggling to name all of his children this summer on Hard Knocks, didn’t want to take any chances.  Rather than leave anyone out, he rounded up any neighborhood children who he thought might look like himself, just to be safe. 
  • Quarterback Mark Sanchez participated in the annual Sanchez family flag football game.  Mark threw three interceptions, two of which were returned for touchdowns by his 9 year old niece Isabella.  However, in typical Jets fashion, Sanchez’ team won when Uncle Ernesto’s pourous defense allowed Mark to lead his team down the field in the game’s final seconds. 
  • LaDanian Tomlinson became disgruntled after his mom used too much brown sugar when preparing her yams.  He spend the remainder of Thanksgiving dinner sulking on the couch with his visor down. 
  • And finally, Rex Ryan’s eventful day, with a parade in the morning and a game at night, came to a very frightening end.  While having a Thanksgiving Dinner eating contest with twin brother, Buddy, Rex nearly choked to death after attempting to swallow an 18 pound turkey whole.   Luckily, Buddy was able to use the heimlich maneuver to save his brother.  Rex, thankful to be alive, then proceeded to polish off two apple, three pumpkin, one chocolate pecan pie, a half gallon of vanilla ice cream, and two cannisters of Reddi-Whip before calling it a night.
  • In other news, the Ryan family downstairs bathroom has been declared a disaster area by the State of New York.  Anderson Cooper will be reporting live from the scene with more info as soon as the area is deemed safe for civilians.
Derek Hanson

About Derek Hanson

Doctor by day, blogger by night, Derek Hanson is the founder of the Bloguin Network and has been a Patriots fan for more than 20 years.

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